When You Feel Like You're Doing it Wrong

I just have to ask….does anyone else feel overwhelmed with the “working mom” thing? Is anyone else getting a butt-kicking?

I don’t know about you, but I just can’t quite get it together. At least, not most days. There are so many days that I just feel like I’m doing it all wrong.

Just a few days ago, I felt the stress bubbling up as my morning got underway. At first, I thought it might be work stuff.

Honestly, that was probably some of it. And then there was the home stuff nagging at me, too.

But you know what really gets to me? Trying to do ALL of the stuff. I can’t get to all of the home stuff because of the work stuff, and then I’m feeling more stressed at work because I know the home stuff isn’t done, and well…it just gets to be too much…..STUFF.

It’s the equivalent of having two full-time jobs and it feels like three.

Is it just me? I see a lot of you doing the same: juggling both career and family.

Am I the only one who feels like I’m failing? Is help available? Can I join a support group? A support group that drinks wine?

When was the last time I cooked a full dinner? It’s been a minute.

How much crappy frozen pizza have we had this month? More than enough.

When was the last time we actually ate at the table? I’m not answering that.

Are you cringing? Well, I am. But it’s the truth. Why haven’t we been eating at the table? Oh probably because it’s a landing zone for mail and backpacks and lunch sacks and homework and tomorrow folders and group picture forms and reading logs.

Don’t judge.

I’m just tired.

Too. Much. Clutter. Too many things. Too much to do.

It’s not just a cluttered room or a cluttered house. It’s a cluttered life.

Most days, it’s complete mayhem around here. We’re out of cat litter. The lunch balance at school is low. (And by low, I mean zero. Because I forgot to reload. Again.)

The dog chewed up the sprinkler system wires. The oil change was due last week.

There is always some kind of Crazy Hat or Crazy Sock day at school. We don’t have crazy hats or crazy socks, and I’m pretty sure there are no clean school uniforms and it’s only Tuesday.

I keep forgetting to get one-dollar bills for Donut Tuesday and Popcorn Friday.

So no, I don’t have dinner on the table and yes, there are dirty dishes in the sink.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that you have four kids while I only have one and yet you can run circles around me on any given of the week.

You are correct. I can hardly handle the one I have.

But I’m telling you, she is like four kids in one, which is one we are a single kid family.

I digress. Back to my main point, which is my mess.

I’m just wondering who else has a mess? Do you have a mess? Is it as messy as mine?

Yes? Well then, we should be friends. Let’s be friends who understand why the mess is there.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. I have a good life.

Really, I do.

But a good life has its hard moments. It doesn’t help that we put so much on ourselves. It seems like we are constantly adding to our load.

How do we do it all and do it well?

Career, parenting, relationships, commitments, obligations. It’s a lot to fit into a 24-hour period.

I’m chasing my tail nearly every day and I still don’t get it all done. Even when I make headway, more stuff comes up and I’m right back where I started, which is behind.

It’s been on my mind to write about this mess…this clutter….for awhile because writing clears my head.

Writing helps me to get all of the stuff out; the disorder, the cobwebs, the things that need to be eliminated or examined.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t get rid of the tangible mess. But, it does give me perspective.

As I started “writing it out,” I realized that this mess has become way out of control. I hate messy. I don’t like to do messy. But messy is my life these days. So very messy.

When I started this blog, I said that I wanted to write about trying to find the balance. I said I wanted to write about the hard stuff and trying to figure it all out. I said I wanted to be authentic.

Well here is some authenticity:

Some days, I feel like I am drowning. I have yet to find the balance. Where is the balance?

I have come to a conclusion. I don’t think there is a lot of “balance.” At least, not for me.

Not this season. Therefore, I think I have to find the moments that matter.

I need to find simple things that mean something. These moments tip the scale back in my favor and help me to find peace and beauty and meaning.

I don’t think there is a lot of balance when it comes to work, family and day-to-day obligations.

I can try. I can always try.

I can try until I’m blue in the face, but when I am faced with all of this stuff, then balance, the way I want balance, is off the table.

I guess this is where the breathing and rebooting comes in.

There will be moments, days, weeks, months and seasons in which life is kicking you around a bit.

That’s when you take a deep breath and remember, “This too shall pass.”

Can I get an Amen from some other Messy Moms?